Tuesday, January 31, 2012

It's a truth also universally acknowledged...

That, eventually, life after Divorce gets better. That you let go of the blame you hold close to your heart. That you accept you have a lot to learn about relationships. That you need to make your list of "must" and "must not" so that you are not swept away by flattery and flowers.

That Grandmother gives good advice:
"Don't beat yourself up so much over the past.  Don't put labels on the experiences of good or bad,  but look at them as what your soul needed at that time, look at the blessings even if you have to search really deep. Instead of thinking about mistakes, they are just things you experienced, and you grow through every experience.  Love the person you are today, and the person you are going to be tomorrow.  Forgive yourself, and forgive others for their failures to live up to what you would have liked them to have been.  Enjoy the you of today."

And that when you let it all go...

You might just meet someone pretty amazing.

I suppose it is about time to let you all know that Ellie has a new boyfriend. She is extremely crazy about him. He takes her for rides in his car. Takes her for long runs. Takes her camping and hiking. Makes her delicious meals. He helps her channel her energy so that she doesn't destroy things while I am gone for work.

The best thing about Ellie's new boyfriend is that I like him a lot too. And I have it on good authority that he likes me back. All of those things he does with Ellie, he does with me too. Except that we talk way more about nothing and everything and all the things in between. I am proud of him for many things he has accomplished over the last few months, excited for what may come, and trying very hard to remain grounded. There is not an overwhelming amount of flattery and flowers. But there is coffee and the great outdoors and truth and kindness and understanding and lessons and experiences and blessings I never knew could exist or that I needed so much. I don't want to jinx this by saying too much.

But we crossed a big line this weekend I need to share with you. In my past experiences, with my small statistical sample, it has been MY  truth universally acknowledged that men and women who like each other should not, under any circumstance, try to teach each other new things. Like bowling. Or tennis. Or canoeing. Or how to drive manual transmission. Or macrame. In my past experiences, with nearly every person I have ever been in a relationship with, inevitably there is an argument that stems from the teacher-student dynamic. If you are lucky, it is not in public. More often than not, it is. Someone is stubborn. Someone is low on patience. Someone says something construed as hateful, mean, or degrading. And the lessons are ended with irreparable damage done to the relationship.

This weekend, he taught me how to cross country ski.

We drove out to this fancy place with lots of snow called "Obsidian Dome."

You may think he chose this place to teach me because of the name; obsidian being a particularly good medium for creating stone tools in prehistory and one of the easiest materials to see on the ground and "know" you are looking at an archaeological site. But he isn't like that. No. He's an archaeologist too and was quick to point out that the obsidian from this particular dome is not very good quality. Mutual nerdiness? Check.

But the snow is groomed for cross country skiing. And the hills are not very big. And there are not many people. And Ellie didn't need to be on a leash.

My instructor pounded some coffee in the parking lot.

Helped me put on my new-to-me hot pink stripe skis.

Put on his fancy pants skis.

Gave me some general instructions. Helped me get back up when i fell the first time in the parking lot. Then promptly took off with Ellie.

Surprisingly, this did not upset me...being left behind. If you know me at all, you know that I do not really take constant supervision well. That I like to be told (or read) how to do something once or maybe twice and then just go with it. I learn best this way. And I enjoy myself more. My inclination for individual sports (tennis, running, knitting) is testament to this.

This also meant that the experience of learning something from a significant other was not even a little bad. The only thing we fought about was who would carry the camera. He won, which meant that he got a lot of great, awkward shots of me falling down. I swear I only fell down when he was looking.

I really was all smiles. My smile would have been frozen in place if it had not been one of the more strenuous workouts I have ever done. I was sweating like crazy...and it was cold outside!
 We had a ton of fun. I can't wait to go again next weekend. I think we make a good team.

And my goodness is he attractive.

But this time, I take the camera.

After this weekend's experience of learning something new without fighting and actually possibly liking him all the more for it, I am questioning if my universal truths are really all that universal...and thinking that everything about this outlier should be retained for further analysis.  


Mer said...

I thought Ellie's new boyfriend was a dog! Ha!!!

Looks like you are having fun. Yay!

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you!!!

Kathy Simons

Anonymous said...

Glad one universal truth has been put to rest and you found a great guy to do it. Glad Ellie has a new guy, too!

I'm glad you have the good to offset the challenging!!


Coach L