Sunday, November 6, 2011

You found me.

I find it absolutely fascinating that in the full year I lived in Ridgecrest, I have only two friends to show for it.

Two months in Lone Pine, I have doubled that number. This makes me happy. And a lot less lonely.

Not that I need a lot of people around, but its refreshing to have some human contact when your support network is dispersed across the country like confetti.

The hardest part about meeting new people is deciding what to tell them about yourself. Which parts of your life history are relevant to the type of relationship you want with that person. Will you be open? Will you be guarded? Will you mention the other characters in your drama? Will you change something about yourself so you are never again in a situation where someone can take advantage of you?

Someone a few months ago said "I can't ask you to change anything about yourself." They never would say what it was that they wanted me to change. It kind of stuck in my craw, actually. Especially because all I ever try to be is myself. And especially because I haven't heard much from them since.

Can you blame me for asking these questions? For thinking twice before taking off my bathing suit cover and jumping in the deep end? For hoping that all my quirks make a new friend call me back rather than avoid me like the plague?

Four years of writing this blog means that I have chronicled four years of silliness when Bigger Life Events were overshadowing everything. The Big Stuff became the backdrop, and if you can read between the lines, sometimes you can get a glimpse of that. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I do filter and censor myself for the sake of giving you too much information. On here. And in life.

I do not usually tell the new people I meet about my blog. Not because I am embarrassed that I have one. And not because I don't want them to read it.

I do.

I just want them to make the effort to get to know me without my filters on.

But if you stumbled across this - accidentally or otherwise...and you have never actually met me...or you have met me and figured out my Blogger Secret....AND you actually come back to read some more of my silliness....

Then congratulations. You found Me.

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