I am trying to pep talk myself into tomorrow with a bowl of Mom's Waikiki Meatballs, cake, and Moose Drool. Soon I am going to pack my things together for a little trip over to see Sister, where she and B-I-L have been prepping for tomorrow's fancy dinner for a week.
I am not going to lie. I spent a few moments today in the shrubbery balling my head off for no other reason than my life at 30 is not even close to how I expected it would be at 20. Where did those 10 years go? Why can't I remember every detail of it all anymore?
The year in which I have been 29 was huge. The big Move. The big Job Change. The big Heartbreak of Divorce. The enormity of it all has been so overwhelming sometimes. My bootstraps can be awfully heavy.
Life moves so fast. So slow. So hard. So easy. I hate thinking that I have wasted any moment of it. That I have regrets that I cannot seem to turn into lessons. That I have sorrows I cannot seem to shake. That I let stress or sadness or loneliness keep me from enjoying every day as a gift. That I might turn bitter or cynical because of all of what happened when I was 29.
I am really hoping for a better year in which I am 30. But tonight...I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.
Tomorrow I am 30.
Tomorrow I accept that.
(Cue the sappy ballad).